Where did my life go?

As I was scrubbing my feet with my foot scrubber in the shower this morning I thought, "this is the closest to a pedicure I'm going to get for a while...." Sad thought.

I've always been pretty self-conscious about my looks. I ALWAYS have to have on some sort of foundation/tinted moisturizer to even out my horrendous skin tone and to cover up my acne and teen acne scars. I've never had nice skin, something I have been waiting for now that I am no longer a teenager! I always have on mascara and let's not forget my eyebrows. Ugh. If I could change any part of my looks I'd totally skip over my fat baby belly and all the sag that comes with pregnancy and get new eyebrows! I don't even know where to start...they are too thin and too light. I call my eyebrow hair color invisible because they pretty much are. I have let them grow out but all those Jr. High days of over-plucking have taken a toll. I have to fill in my brows every freaking day with shadow and I loathe it. I wish I had enough courage to leave the house looking like shit. But I don't.

I used to get my hair cut and colored every 5-6 weeks. On the dot. I never missed. Now I color my hair from the box making my hair dry and brittle and I haven't had a haircut in about 6 months....

Now my obsession is anti-aging. I was a lifeguard for the City of Henderson for 7 years. That means 7 summers in the sun all day, every day. I was pretty good about using sunscreen but I was a teenager. I didn't use it religiously like I should have. Now I am constantly putting sunscreen on my face, chest and neck. If we only knew then what we know now.

29 Weeks

What happened to my cute little figure? Well, I have never been little, 5'9" with long legs and ginormous hips. But I used to be fit. I had a nice figure. I didn't feel awkward in my clothes like I do now. My boobs don't sit the same way anymore....I have MOM BOOBS! Ugh. I know that's what comes with being pregnant and having a baby. Your body truly is never the same. But I want my comfort back! I was tipping the scales at 199 when I was 41 weeks prego and ready for my stubborn little girl to get out of me already! That was 40lbs of pregnancy I put on. The unexpected C-Section completely threw me for a loop. It was a lot longer recovery than I had imagined. I had the baby blues so bad I cried constantly and my husband didn't know what to do with me. I gained more weight than I wanted to and I can't find the motivation to get rid of it...until now.41 Weeks Day of Induction

I have decided that I deserve to feel good. Here's to exercising, eating better and getting rid of the baby belly all together! (at least until I get pregnant again) :)

It's been a while.....

It's been a while, a long while since I blogged last. I guess I didn't feel like there was anything going on to talk about. Kenzie WAS the only exciting thing going on in my life....until now!

Russ and I are currently in the process of buying a brand new home! We decided we are sick of apartment life and we need a bigger(permanent) place to live. Building started May 10th and is estimated to be done mid-end of September. Kenzie has also been up to no good so I guess I can share a few things about my soon-to-be 18 month old:

• She refuses to talk! She says a few words like: dad, hat, cat, hot and hi. She is so dang stubborn! If you ask her what any animal says, she'll do it. If you ask her to go get you something, she'll go get it. She's smart as a whip and she knows I'm just dying for her to say "mama" (which she has said in the past and then decided to stop) so she doesn't! I'll tell her, "say mama." She points to me. That's all I get. That's another thing she does, if you ask her, "where's Papa....or Nana, Auntie Kelly etc...she can point to whoever. Smarty Pants.
  
• She LOVES puzzles. She can put them together in seconds now. She has a number puzzle, 0-9 , and she puts them all back without any help. She does her shapes and can point out whichever ones you ask her to.
  
• She is progressing very well with silverware. She uses a fork to feed herself and switches between her right and left hand constantly. (Same with when she colors, she also LOVES to color!)
  
• We haven't really begun potty training but I think she is catching on what it's all about by me taking her with me when I go. She'll sit on her little chair fully clothed when I go. Then when I flush she waves at the potty and says "Nye." I'm guessing that means "bye."
  
• She has a REALLY BAD HABIT of putting her hand down her diaper. I always say "yucky" and she sticks her tongue out and laughs! I couldn't believe I had to go buy 18 month onesies so she couldn't do it anymore! She also knows when she isn't supposed to be doing something and does it anyway. Then when you catch her she closes her eyes, like you won't be able to see her. I have to try so hard not to laugh sometimes!
  
• If you ask her if she wants something of if she pooped her pants her response is always a shake of the head "no." (even though most of the time it's YES!)
• She does 2 signs. "all done" and "more." She sometimes gets them mixed up too! ;)

Sometimes I can't believe how grown up my little girl is. I can actually have some sort of "conversation" with her now. I talk to her. She understands. Everyone knows this is part of growing up and learning, but it is completely different to be the one molding and teaching this little human being.

I feel like the only thing I am depriving my baby from is social skills. We have NO friends to hang out with. NO kids her age for her to interact with. I know I'm not the most social, outgoing person, but I'd like to be for Kenzie's sake. That's the next thing on my list....find a friend for Kenzie!

I am completely in baby mode lately. I am so ready for another little munchkin. Kenzie is going to hit the 18 month mark next week and from my view there's not another baby in sight. Russ is convinced that if we decide to have another baby he'll get laid off. I understand looking from all angles but at the same time one scary thought shouldn't be the deciding factor.

Okay, I can get pretty frustrated with Kenzie. I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to rip my hair out or just scream at the top of my lungs because she is just so naughty sometimes. But that doesn't mean I want to give up or that I don't want to do it again or that I don't enjoy the times where she is so dang cute I think I'm going to explode. I have to get out my frustration by talking about it. I need to vent so that the next time I look at her face I can smile. Let me tell you, the better times with Kenzie highly exceed the bad times.

So there you have it. A few months of venting.